The Secrets We Carry Read online

  “Doubtful. And even if it did, they’re not going to let me in .”

  Confusion dances in his eyes. “But isn’t Porterrsen the right last name ?”

  So, he did recognize my last name earlier. Odd. Usually I can tell by someone’s reaction. Either he doesn’t care or he’s good at hiding his emotions .

  I jerk my arm, trying to get him to let me go before I have a meltdown. “Apparently, not anymore .”

  He slows to a stop, releasing his hold on me. My heart rate immediately starts to settle .

  “Did something happen ?”

  “I have no idea.” I pretend to be deeply engrossed in my fingernails. “All I know is that I tried to get in through the front door about five minutes ago, and the bouncer told me my name was on this list, so I couldn’t get in .”

  Wait. Why am I telling him this? I need to stop. I don’t even know him. For all I know, he is friends with Travis. Doubtful, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be careful .

  “That’s strange,” he mutters with his brow crinkled .

  I study him suspiciously. “You act like you know a lot about this club or something .”

  The confusion erases as he plasters on a smile. “Nah. Just curious about this exclusive club everyone keeps talking about, which is why I’m here.” He takes my hand again, lacing his fingers through mine, and starts forward again .

  “I never agreed to go with you.” I dig my heels into the ground .

  He stops and turns around to face me. “But, weren’t you just trying to get in ?”

  “ Yeah , so ?”

  “So, I can get you in .”

  “Yeah, I’m still pretty skeptical about that. In fact, I’m about ninety-nine percent sure they’re going to kick your ass to the curb .”

  He muses over something, his lips tugging upward. “How about this, then? You and I will walk up to the door, and if I can’t get us in, you can punch me in the face again. However, if I do, you have to let me buy you a drink and dance with me .”

  My gaze flicks to his cheek my knuckles cracked against. The skin is bright red and a bit puffy .

  “As appealing as punching you in the face sounds, I don’t think my hand can endure another punch tonight .”

  His grin broadens. “I’ll show you the proper way to punch beforehand .”

  I consider his offer. While learning how to punch properly does sound enticing, hitting him in the face again doesn’t sound as appealing as I thought it would. I’m not sure why. If I just don’t want to risk cracking my knuckles again, or if I don’t hate him as much as I want to. Still, I really want to get inside that club .

  “Fine, you got yourself a deal.” I don’t bother mentioning my lack of desire to hit him in the face. I’ll deal with that when we get to that part. Plus, you never know. I just might change my mind .

  Grinning, he shakes my hand then threads his fingers through mine and tows me toward the door. I resist the compulsion to jerk back, despite every muscle in my body tightening in protest .

  Just breathe, Wynter. Air in. Air out .

  “You okay?” Everette whispers as we near the door .

  I nod. “Of course .”

  He stares at me, unconvinced, before giving my hand a gentle squeeze. “Oh, yeah, and if this guy asks, your name is Victoria .”

  “What …?” I trail off as we reach the bouncer .

  “Hey, Mike,” Everette greets the guy with a smile. “I’m Everette Averysen. Doug told me you could get me in .”

  Shit. He knows the guy’s name? So not a good sign I’m going to win our bet. Then again, getting inside is sort of winning for me, minus the letting him buy me a drink part and dancing with him. I can find a way to get out of that when the time comes .

  “Can I see some ID?” the bouncer asks with his arms crossed .

  With his free hand, Everette digs his wallet out of his pocket and flashes the guy his ID. I get a glimpse of it, noting he’s twenty-one and lives in an apartment complex close to campus. While he seems like a normal guy, I can’t help wondering why he’s hanging out at a place like this .

  The bouncer inspects the ID, and then, with a nod of his head, steps aside and opens the door. “Just make sure not to get yourself into any trouble,” he warns. “I won’t be able to vouch for you .”

  Nodding, Everette moves to step inside, pulling me with him .

  “Wait.” The bouncer grabs my arm, his gaze burrowing into me. “ Who’s this ?”

  My heart slams against my chest .

  Let go of me .

  Let go of me .

  Let me fucking go .

  “This is Victoria,” Everette speaks for me, as if sensing the panic has struck me silent .

  “Doug said it’d only be you coming in.” The bouncer keeps his gaze trained on me. “He never mentioned a woman being with you .”

  “Well, he should’ve.” Everette drapes an arm around my shoulders and hauls me closer to him, causing the bouncer’s hand to fall from my arm. My pulse marginally calms the hell down. “I don’t go anywhere without my snuggle buggles, and Doug knows that.” He shakes his head. “I swear he’s losing his mind in his old age .”

  The bouncer assesses me for a racing heartbeat of a second before fixing his gaze on Everette. “Yeah, I’ve noticed that lately, too. I’ve even tried to get him to go to the doctor to get checked out, but he can be so stubborn sometimes .”

  “Definitely,” Everette agrees with an easy smile. “Maybe if we both start hassling him about it, we can convince him to go .”

  “I like the way you think, kid.” Smiling at Everette, the bouncer steps aside and signals for us to go in. “Go on in and have fun .”

  Nodding, Everette pulls me through the doorway and into the dimly lit hallway. From the far end, music throbs, electrifying the air. The noise sends bottomless dread sinking into the pit of my stomach and images piece my brain .

  Not now, Wynter. You need a clear head while you’re here .

  The instant the door slams behind us, I mutter, “Snuggle buggles ?”

  Everette chuckles under his breath as he stuffs his wallet into his back pocket. “Yeah, sorry. I haven’t really been in a long-term relationship, so I’m pretty clueless when it comes to the whole lovey-dovey pet name thing .”

  “Well, for future reference,” I throw his earlier words back at him, “when you do get a girl to stick around long enough for you to give her a pet name, snuggle buggles is probably not the way to go. Unless she’s into teddy bears and carries a damn mini dog around in her purse .”

  He suppresses a laugh. “ Mini dog ?”

  “Yeah, you know, one of those super mini dogs that people carry around in their purses .”

  “I think they’re just called toy dogs, and most people don’t carry them around in purses.” He makes no move to head down the hallway. Instead, her releases my hand, steps back, and leans against the shimmering silver wall .

  I recline against the wall opposite of him, cross my arms, and shrug. “Well, they do in my world .”

  A brow arches up. “Have you ever done it ?”

  I glare at him. “Hell no. Even before, I was never that sort of girl .”

  He angles his head to the side. “Before ?”

  Dammit. I didn’t mean to let that slip. “Before I decided to make over myself.” I shrug. “You said you’ve seen me before, so you know how I used to look .”

  He searches my eyes. “Why did you change ?”

  That rope around my chest gives a tug, nearly choking the air out of me .

  “Why not?” Surprisingly, my voice is even .

  His nonchalant shrug contradicts his intense gaze. “I just wonder if perhaps there was a reason. That’s usually the case, anyway, when people decide to reinvent themselves .”

  “I didn’t reinvent myself. I just decided to dress differently .”

  “Okay.” The way he says that so easily pisses me off, as if he thinks he can see through me so well to know I’m ly
ing .

  “I’m not lying,” I insist, “so stop looking at me like that .”

  His expression is unreadable. “ Like what ?”

  “Like you, I don’t know, know me or something .”

  He rubs his lips together, looking at me with … pity, maybe ?

  Crap. He’s really hard to read .

  “I’m sorry,” he finally says .

  I narrow my eyes at him. “ For what ?”

  “For upsetting you .”

  “I’m not upset.” But I am. For being here. For having to be here. For being here with him .

  For being here with him when he’s looking at me like he sees me .

  “All right.” He pushes away from the wall. “You ready to head in ?”

  The shift in conversation gives me whiplash, and I nod without thinking. Then reality catches up with me the closer we get to the end of the hallway .

  “So, have you dated a lot, then?” he asks loudly over the music. “I’m guessing so since you’re giving me advice .”

  “Yeah, but nothing too serious.” My gaze remains fixed on the end of the hallway, on the flashing lights, and my heart begins to pound. “I just know the rules; that’s all .”

  He gives me a sidelong glance. “The rules ?”

  “Yeah, the rules of dating.” When I cast a quick glance at him, I find him staring at me with a smile on his face and an amused glint in his eyes. I frown, too aware of what that look means. “And FYI, I have no interest in following those rules because I have no interest in dating. Ever.” My tone radiates fear and anger .

  His smile slightly falters, worry and pity flooding his eyes. “Wynter …” His soft tone and the way he’s looking at me makes the rope tug even tighter .

  “I need a drink,” I announce, picking up the pace and jogging down the rest of the length of the hallway .

  Running away .

  Always running away, just like Everette accused me of doing .

  He’s observant, and I don’t like it. I don’t like how he sees me so easily .

  It makes me fear what else he sees. If he sees how scared I am .

  Scared. So scared .

  No, I’m not , I try to convince myself. But the moment I step foot into the room at the end of the hallway, a wave of fear washes over me and swallows me whole .

  “Don’t fucking tell anyone .”

  “We’re going to break you .”

  “Tell your father Travis says hello .

  “Tell anyone and I’ll fucking end you .”

  Don’t tell .

  Don’t tell .

  Don’t tell .

  “Are you scared yet ?”

  Tears prickle in my eyes as I stare at the room before me, packed with people dancing, drinking, laughing, flirting. Music sounds around me, swallowing me whole. My stomach clenches .

  No, please don’t throw up here .

  I try to fight back the urge, but as the stench of alcohol douses my nostrils, I make a beeline toward the restrooms sign. When I make it inside, I dive into an empty stall and empty the contents of my stomach. Then I sink to the floor and hug my legs to my chest .

  What the hell was I thinking coming here? Maci probably won’t believe me anyway. And if Travis spots me, he’ll try to fuck with my mind. I’m not strong enough for this. I’m weak .

  “You’re weak, Wynter,” he whispers in my hair as his chest lines over my back .

  Tears sting my eyes as I try to shove him off, but my body is limp .

  “Do you know how easy it was to lure you here?” he whispers. “Girls like you are so weak .”

  Weak .

  Weak .

  Weak .

  “Fuck!” I shout until my lungs ache .

  Then I collect myself off the floor, step out, and ignore the stares of the other women in the restroom as I make my exit, preparing to do whatever it takes to get Maci away from Travis .

  I’m not fucking weak .

  You’re going to pay .

  Even if I get hurt. Even if they try to break me again .

  I’m broken anyway, so there is nothing more they can do to me that they haven’t already .

  Eight

  Everette

  I t was completely accidental that I ran into Wynter tonight. I shouldn’t have even approached her, but when I saw her wandering around the parking lot, looking utterly lost, I decided to make sure she was okay .

  And then she punched me in the face .

  Something was definitely wrong, but the more I pressed, the more she pushed away. Then I got caught up in the bantering and that bet, and suddenly, she’s walking into the club with me .

  Talk about fucking up .

  I figure, when we get into the club, I’ll find an excuse to part ways with her, even if I really want to make her follow through with her end. Then the moment she steps foot into the club, her face drains of color and she takes off running toward the bathrooms .

  For a faltering moment, I consider letting her go. I’m not even technically supposed to be here with her. But I’m worried about her, which I know sounds crazy. I only observed her from afar and read her files. We’ve barely exchanged more than a handful of words to each other. Still, I can’t shake that goddamn feeling something terrible happened to her. And that feeling expands every time I’m around her .

  She’s so nervous and uneasy. So sad. So jumpy. Hell, she punched me in the face simply because I called out her name and touched her shoulder. That level of jumpiness usually stems from someplace deep or traumatic. I would know .

  Back before I was accepted to the agency training program, I spent a lot of time swinging my fists and asking questions later. I may have kept it up if I wasn’t forced to refocus my anxious energy elsewhere. In a way, training saved me from a lot of fights and possibly even jail time .

  The scars on my chest throb .

  That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten, though, what fear and being out of control feels like. Only, I was also carrying around a bunch of guilt. Still am, in a way .

  Fuck, I think I need to go check on her .

  I push my way through the mob of sweaty, drunken people, and hurry to the restrooms. Then I lean back against the wall and scope out the people wandering and stumbling around while I wait for Wynter to come out .

  From first glance, this place appears to be an ordinary club full of rich, spoiled brats who are spending way too much money on drinks. I question what draws people here. Is it simply a place for the rich to hang out? Or is something else going on? Clubs can sometimes be a front business for illegal activities, like money laundering or drug trafficking. Could this be how the guys are smuggling their drugs around ?

  I make a mental note to look into who owns the place and do a little research on them. I might be creating theories out of nothing, but my dad did always say that some of his best theories were those that didn’t always have a straightforward reason .

  “You think it’s going to work?” Travis Marilellie suddenly turns down the hallway with a drink in his hand .

  Beside him is a taller guy dressed in an expensive suit, his hair slicked back. The sly smile on his face reminds me of a snake. I don’t recognize him, which is unsettling and means the bureau doesn’t have a file on him yet. If he’s hanging out with Travis, I’m definitely going to start a file on him .

  “Of course it’s going to work,” the guy reassures Travis, talking loudly over the music drifting from the dance floor. “Have I ever failed you ?”

  “No, but there’s always a first time for everything,” Travis says coldly. “And the first time you fuck me over will be your last .”

  “Good thing I’m not going to fuck you over, then.” The guy smiles, but nervousness floods his expression .

  Whoever he is, he’s afraid of Travis. Personally, I don’t blame the guy. I read up on Travis and observed him enough to understand that he and his family get away with just about anything. Partly because his father is the mayor, but also because I’m fairly po
sitive his family is buying off the chief of police. I’m not the only person with this theory, either .

  Sometimes when the agency works cases like this, we seek assistance from the local police department. Not this case, though. During my debriefing, I was instructed to trust no one in Fairs Hollow, including Wynter .

  Helping her out isn’t trusting her, though, I try to convince myself, well aware Doug would never buy that excuse. But Doug’s an analytical guy; he never considers emotions .

  Me, my emotions and ability to care can be a weakness. I’ve been told this many, many times .

  “It’s not your job to take care of us. You need to stop caring so much about everyone else and start focusing on yourself,” my mom said after I almost turned down my acceptance to the training program so I could stay home and help take care of her and my brothers. “You’re a good son, Everette, but sometimes you let your emotions control the decisions you make, which can be both good and bad .”

  “I don’t want to leave you behind.” I was so torn. I wanted to go, but I felt guilty for leaving them. Felt guilty because I owed my father. “Dad wouldn’t want me to, either .”

  She shook her head. “If you don’t go, you won’t be welcomed in this house .”

  Yeah, my mom is pretty hardcore, but it got me to go. Got me here .

  “You better not, or else,” Travis warns. “Now, if we can just find some dumb fucker to take the fall …” He shuts up as his gaze glides to me .

  We haven’t officially met, and I can tell he’s trying figure out who I am, how I got into the club, if he knows me or not, if he should know me .

  One thing’s for sure; I know him, but I’m not supposed to let on to that. He’s the guy I was ordered to initiate contact with at Friday’s party. Doesn’t mean I can’t put myself on his radar now .

  “Hey, man.” I give him a chin nod .

  “Hey.” His smile is tight, his gaze measuring me up—the way I stand, the way I dress, the way I look. After exchanging a quick, questioning look with his friend, he stops in front of me. “You new to the club ?”

  I prop my foot against the wall behind me. “Yeah, this is my first time here .”