The Certainty of Violet & Luke Read online

  Seth aims me a dirty look and I smile innocently back at him. ‘Hey, it was a total accident.’ But he sighs as soon as he says it. ‘Okay, that’s a lie. But the damn thing wouldn’t play.’

  ‘That was one of my favorites.’ Greyson shakes his head. ‘And you broke it in half.’

  ‘I’ll buy you a new one today. I promise,’ Seth says and Greyson nods and lets it go. Then Seth turns to me. ‘You are paying for half of that for ratting me out,’ he hisses, not really mad, just being a drama mama as he put it early.

  ‘No freaking way,’ I retort. ‘I didn’t break the DVD. You did.’

  ‘I’ll tell you what,’ Seth replies. ‘If you kick the bag a few times, I’ll let it go. But they have to be bad ass ninja kicks.’

  ‘Why does everyone keep pushing me to do this?’ I ask. ‘Yeah, I have anger issues. So what? Kicking some damn bag is not going to do anything for me.’

  ‘Oh, but it will,’ Seth assures me while Greyson wanders back to this large boxing bag dangling from the ceiling over the center of the mat. ‘I know these things. I took a psych class.’

  ‘I’ve taken three different ones,’ I tell him. ‘And that wasn’t mentioned in any of them.’

  ‘Three different classes?’ Seth gapes at me. ‘Really.’

  I shrug as Greyson calls out, ‘Violet’s a badass when it comes to classes. Don’t let her looks and attitude fool you, she’s a smart girl.’

  Wanting to get off that subject of me, I sidestep around Seth and walk up to the bag. ‘Fine, I will kick this damn thing a few times, but only if we can stop talking about me, my brain, and my anger issues.’

  ‘Deal.’ Greyson moves behind the bag and puts his hand on it to hold it in place. I don’t know why. Damn bag is big as hell. I’m sure I’m not going to be able make it budge.

  ‘So what do I do exactly?’ I ask. ‘Just kick it?’

  ‘Yeah, but kind of turn to the side to begin with.’ Callie comes up to me and surprises me by putting her hands on hips and forcing me to shift to the side. Then she gives my hip a pat. ‘Pivot your hip and bring your leg up. You can also use these.’ She grabs my arms and positions them in front of me. ‘You can even punch the bag, but probably not with this hand.’ She taps my cast then steps back, giving me space. ‘Go ahead. Trust me, you’re going to feel a whole lot better.’ She has this look on her face like she understands her words very well. Hell, maybe she does. Maybe hidden in that tiny body is a person who is raging with anger. Perhaps she has a messed up past too. God, maybe everyone does in their own way.

  Giving them what they want, I do exactly what Callie said, pivot my hip and bring my leg up, slamming my foot against the bag. It doesn’t move, but I also barely kicked it.

  ‘Oh, come on,’ Greyson says disappointedly. ‘Show us that tough girl kick.’

  I tolerate them, giving it a good hard kick. For the briefest moment, when my shoe collides with the bag, I do feel a twinge of relief from the emotional overload I was experiencing. I decide to kick it a couple of times more and the feeling gets more intense.

  I finally stop, breathing pretty hard. I don’t say anything, wiping the sweat from my brow, but Greyson gives me this I told you so look.

  ‘You should do it with the other leg now,’ Callie encourages. ‘And this time, try to think about something that will give you fuel.’

  I arch my brows at her. ‘Fuel?’

  ‘Yeah, you know, for the kicking,’ she says simply, leaning down to grab her bottle of water beside her feet.

  Figuring it won’t hurt anything, I turn to the other side and try to figure out what the hell she meant by fuel. Then something snaps inside me and I start kicking the crap out of that goddamn bag. Last night, two weeks ago, fifteen years ago, none of it feels so heavy inside me. Control. That’s what it is. I feel like I have more control over myself. Right now, in this moment, there is only me and this bag and this bag is everything – all my foster parents, Mira, Preston, all the guys who’ve copped a feel, everyone who’s taken something from me.

  When I finally stop, I’m gasping for air, my skin is drenched with sweat, and my heart is hammering inside my chest.

  ‘I’m so tired,’ I say, hunching over as I catch my breath.

  ‘It’s called exercise,’ Greyson teases me with a grin.

  I’m too tired to retort with a good comeback, so I turn and smile tiredly. But it’s a real one, not my shiny, fake one I used on him the first few conversations we had. The same smile I used when I went to parties and dealt. The smile I used on everyone almost my entire life.

  No this one is real because at the moment I feel like myself.

  I feel like the real Violet.

  Chapter 18

  Luke

  She’s been sleeping for a couple of hours. I’d worry she was depressed, but not only did she get up way too early for her, she also exerted herself with kickboxing, so I figure she has a reason to be sleeping.

  It’s rounding toward eleven in the afternoon. I have to pick up my dad and Trevor at the airport in like an hour. They’d offered to take a cab from the airport and I had to explain to them that Laramie wasn’t like San Diego and that getting a cab means calling and waiting at least an hour for one. They said they could rent a car, but I’d insisted.

  Yeah, I Luke Price insisted that I’d pick up my father. Never thought that’d fucking happen and I’m still uncertain how I feel about it.

  I’m borrowing Seth’s Camry to go pick them up so we don’t have to crowd into my truck. Violet was going to go with me, but she looks so peaceful sleeping on her side, her hair splayed over the pillow, her legs tangled in the sheets that I almost don’t want to wake her up.

  Sitting down on the edge of the bed I brush her hair back out of her face and then graze my finger up and down her cheekbone. She sucks in a soft breath and then her eyelids flutter open, her green eyes glazed with exhaustion.

  A few confused blinks later, she’s sitting up. ‘What time is it?’ She yawns, arching her back like a cat as she stretches her arms above her head.

  ‘Eleven.’ My eyes skim over her nearly naked body. She’d stripped off her sweaty workout outfit the moment we’d gotten home, left her panties and bra on, collapsed into bed and fell asleep about thirty seconds later. ‘You can stay here and sleep if you need to. Seth and Greyson said they’d be here until tonight so you won’t have to be home.’

  ‘No, I want to go with you,’ she says, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed then standing up.

  I don’t argue with her, glad she wants to go with me. I sit down on the bed and watch her pull a t-shirt on and a pair of black jeans.

  ‘I have to shower when we get back though,’ she says, sniffing herself. ‘I have gym scent.’

  ‘Gym scent? ‘

  She pulls a repulsed face. ‘Yeah, those mats in there smell like they haven’t been washed in years.’ She runs her hands over her arms. ‘I swear I can feel the smell on me.’

  I chuckle at her as she grabs her boots and bends over to put them on. ‘Well, you look good.’

  She peers up at me as she’s tying her boot. ‘I look like shit, but thanks.’ She stands up and combs her fingers through her red streaked hair then adds some glossy shit to her lips.

  I stand up and cross the room to her, kicking dirty clothes out of the way. ‘You look beautiful,’ I tell her, brushing the pad of my thumb over her bottom lip. ‘You always do.’

  She looks like she’s about to tease me for being sappy, but then decides against it and bites down on her lip. ‘You seem in a good mood.’ Her eyes carry a question.

  ‘Just happy that you seem happy.’ I trace my thumb back and forth over her lips, mesmerized by the softness of them. ‘That shiny stuff you just put on them makes them look so tasty.’

  With a wicked look in her eye, she opens those soft lips and bites down on my finger. It’s gentle but still sexy as hell. ‘Wow, did you used to use those kinds of lines on women? I know you and I haven’t really
dated,’ she says. ‘So I’m not sure what your moves are.’

  ‘Hate to break it to you, but we’ve dated. A lot.’

  ‘Not really. We went out on a couple of dates in the beginning, but even before that, things were different between us. I mean, it’s not like you met me and wanted to fuck me right away. I just kind of forced myself into your life, or well destiny did anyway.’

  There are a million things wrong with what she just said. ‘First of all, I’ve always wanted to fuck you, even before we met. It just got way worse when we met.’ I pause. ‘Remember the party when we danced.’

  That gets her to laugh, her green eyes sparkling. ‘And you told me I was beautiful and that we should go back to one of the rooms – I remember.’

  ‘Yeah, it was an awesome line, right?’ I joke as I put my hands on her hips and pull her closer. ‘The one that won you over?’

  Her expression falls, her skin turning white as she gives me a guilty look. ‘Actually, if we’re being honest, I freaked out, ran out of the house, and jumped into the lake.’ She sighs but continues before I can make a remark. ‘I’m sorry, but you were making me feel things I wasn’t ready for.’

  ‘That’s okay. I was pretty freaked out too by what I said to you – about what I was feeling.’

  She gazes off over my shoulder, lost in her thoughts. ‘It just feels like almost all the memories of the time we’ve spent together are like that.’ Her attention snaps in my direction. ‘Don’t get me wrong. I love spending time with you … It’s just that …’ She bites down on her bottom lip and gives me an apologetic look.

  ‘It’s just that what?’ I’m worried where she’s going with this.

  She lets her lip pop free and her expression conveys uncertainty. ‘It’s just that I think maybe we should try to change that. You know, not have a bad memory connected to every semi-normal one … So I was thinking that maybe we could try tonight, to do something normal, I mean. After we have dinner with your dad and Trevor, like go to a concert. Seth says there’s a good one in town and I told him I’d try to go.’ She’s talking really fast like she’s nervous.

  It makes me smile, fucking grin like the stupidest, most happy idiot in the world. ‘Oh, you’re asking me out.’

  Her brows dip. ‘Why are you smiling like that?’ I can’t help it – I bust up laughing at her. She swats me with her good arm. ‘Luke, seriously, what the hell is so funny?’

  Shaking my head, I try to settle my laughter. ‘I’m sorry, it’s just that you looked so nervous I was seriously expecting you to say something really bad, like you thought we needed to take a break or something.’ She playfully slaps my arm again and I cover the area with my hand. ‘Hey, what the hell was that for?’

  ‘For laughing at me. You know, I’ve never asked a guy out, right?’

  ‘And I’ve never really used lines on a girl either. Trust me, for the most part I was a fucking asshole.’

  She rolls her eyes. ‘Jesus what is wrong with the female population. Treat them like shit and they want you even more.’

  ‘Not all of them.’ I trace the path of her jawline, loving the way her eyelids flutter from my touch. As far as I know, she’s the only woman who’s ever reacted to my touch that way and that’s because she’s the only woman I’ve paid enough attention to, to notice her in reactions in that much detail. ‘That’s one of the first things that attracted me to you – because my shit didn’t work on you.’ I give her a half-smile. ‘I was drawn to the fact that I seemed to annoy the shit out of you whenever I opened my mouth. Well, that and the fact that you were so fucking sexy and I couldn’t stop thinking about fucking the shit out of you.’ I give her a full smile now as she rolls her eyes. ‘See those are my lines. Not too impressive, right?’

  She shakes her head, but then wraps her arms around me and presses her lips to mine, giving me a quick, but deep kiss. I nip on her lip as she pulls away.

  ‘We better get going.’ She looks at the clock on the nightstand. ‘Or we’ll be late picking up your dad and Trevor.’

  ‘Yeah, you’re right.’ I collect my wallet from the nightstand then start toward the door, but she grabs my hand and draws me back to her.

  ‘Are you going to be okay with this?’ she asks. ‘With them being here. I mean, I know we spent that time at their house, but this feels a little different.’

  No, not at all. ‘Yeah, I’m good.’

  She’s right. This is different. When Violet and I went to their house, it was to hideout. Yeah, my dad and I talked and everything, but most of my time was spent on taking care of Violet. This is just a plain and simple visit, to hangout, chat, have dinner, spend time together. It’s strange and unnatural and something I’m completely not used to. But all I can do is cross my fingers that it’ll be okay.

  That everything will be okay.

  We’re about fifteen minutes late picking them up, but my dad seems happy with me just showing up, like he expected me not to. When I pull up to the curb, park and get out, he comes up and gives me this awkward hug while Violet helps Trevor put the suitcases in the trunk. After they’re finished, my dad pulls away, giving me this strange, almost choked up look and I can’t help but think: fuck, is he going to cry? Thankfully, he doesn’t and steps back to give me a good look.

  ‘I swear you’ve grown taller,’ he says to me with a smile. My dad is about four or five inches shorter than me, medium build, with thinning brown hair. He likes to wear a lot of jeans and t-shirts, nothing business-like, something I learned when we were in San Diego.

  ‘I’m twenty years old,’ I tell him. ‘I stopped growing like five years ago.’

  His smile falters, but he quickly recovers and steps back to let Trevor give me a handshake. ‘It’s good to see you again, Luke,’ he says. Trevor is closer to my height with blond hair and he likes to wear a lot of button down shirts, so pretty much the opposite of my father.

  ‘You too.’ I really don’t know what to say. Trevor and I don’t know each other very well at all. We’ve only met the one time and he was working a lot, so we maybe had like ten conversations tops.

  Trevor releases my hand and steps back, opening his mouth to say something when my father walks up to Violet and pulls her in for a hug. I can tell it startles the shit out of her by the way she goes tense as a board. She manages to pull herself together enough, though, to give him a one-handed hug.

  ‘It’s so good to see you,’ my dad says as he frees Violet from the hug. ‘Both of you.’

  Violet shuffles back from him toward the curb and starts fidgeting with her cast, scratching her fingernails up and down on it, staring off at the doors of the airport. There’s not much to look at, though, hardly any people coming in and out since it’s a small airport and it’s in the middle of the afternoon. I’m guessing there’s some sort of emotion building in her and she’s trying to keep it together.

  ‘Yeah, good to see you too.’ I give Violet’s hand a squeeze. She doesn’t look at me, but she does inch closer. ‘Should we hit the road?’ I ask.

  My father nods then opens the back door of Seth’s Camry. While they’re climbing in, I open the passenger side door for Violet and when she starts to duck in to climb inside, I place my hand on the small of her back, stopping her. Putting my lips beside her ear, I whisper, ‘Everything okay?’

  She nods then lowers herself into the seat. ‘Yeah, everything’s fine.’

  I don’t believe her, but now’s not the time to press. I round the car, get in and drive down the road toward the center of town where Trevor and my father are staying for the next three nights. The keep making comments about how small and quaint the town is, but Laramie is anything but quaint. Yes it’s low in population, but it doesn’t have that old-fashion, homey look to it. And the wind blows like a motherfucker; the winter’s cold enough to freeze your balls off if you stayed outdoors for too long.

  Violet barely says anything the entire drive, staring out the window like the sights are fascinating, like she hasn’t see
n them a thousand times. Once we drop my father and Trevor off, I head back to the apartment until we head out for dinner in a few hours.

  Finally, her silence gets to be too much and I turn down the volume of the stereo. ‘What are you thinking about?’

  ‘The many complications and complexities that make up my life,’ she responds without so much as a glance in my direction.

  ‘Was it the hug?’ I ask. ‘Did it get to you?’

  She breathes heavy enough that it fogs the window in front of her face. ‘I don’t want to have a pity party.’ She turns her head toward me. ‘Or feel sorry for myself.’

  ‘You have every right to feel bad over stuff,’ I tell her, slowing the car down to a stop at a red light.

  She shakes her head. ‘No, I need to get over it. I want to, you know.’

  ‘Want to what?’

  ‘Get over getting worked up over everything.’ She slumps back in the seat and props her boots up on the dashboard, looking straight ahead. ‘Stop getting worked up over simple things like getting a flipping hug … it’s just that it’s been a while, you know …’ Her head slants to the side as she dazes off, her hair curtain around her face. ‘Since someone’s hugged me. I mean, I know you do, but …’ she shrugs. ‘I honestly have no idea what my point is. I guess I’m just rambling.’ She waves it off, wanting to dismiss the conversation. ‘Ignore me.’

  I had the exact opposite problem, forced to spend hours being hugged by my mother in a way that felt unnatural and caused me to be ill to my stomach. I’d always thought things would have been better if I’d never been hugged, but Violet is contradicting this theory. Maybe if the hugs had come from a sane person, if my dad hadn’t bailed out, then I’d think differently.

  I sweep her hair out of her face, knowing she’s trying to hide whatever expression she has, but I care too much about her to let her conceal her pain anymore. ‘I’m not going to ignore you. Not when you say something like that.’

  She shakes her head, glancing at me. I swear I can see every infliction, every invisible scar. ‘Please, can we just drop it?’