The Secrets We Carry Read online

  “Those are his front businesses.” I can’t believe I’m uttering this aloud . “Honestly, I’m not positive what he does—he’s always made sure I was left in the dark for the most part. Even when I… When I passed along the message, he glazed over the subject.” I stare down at my hands. “He accused me of lying too. I’m not sure if he believed I was a liar, though, or if that was his way of stopping me from going to the police.” I shake my head. “Doesn’t really matter if he meant it or not, because I never told anyone else and I’ve been carrying around the secret for months, scared out of my mind half the damn time or so pissed off I can barely think straight .”

  Air in. Air out .

  I’m about to hyperventilate .

  “Just breathe.” Willow gets up from the sofa and sits down beside me. “The hyperventilating, it’ll pass .”

  “How do you know?” I whisper through my ragged breathing, tears cascading down my cheeks .

  “Because I’ve suffered from anxiety for a long time—years actually .”

  “ What for ?”

  “A lot of things.” She shrugs. “I’m just a natural worrier .”

  “I can understand that.” I’ve known Willow since grade school and even back then, she would stress out about the smallest things .

  “I was getting better there for a while but…” She takes a tremulous breath. “A few months ago, Beck and I were at this frat party when he got called on a work errand and had to leave immediately. Since he didn’t have time to take me home and I had been drinking, I was just going to call a cab. But he didn’t want me wandering around alone at night so he asked a friend of his to drive me home… Noah Partertone… Do you know him ?”

  I nod. “He’s friends with Travis.” And his family is even more rich and respected in this town that Travis’s is, known for their generous donations to almost every charity .

  Fuck .

  She gives a shaky nod. “Well, Beck asked him to give me a ride home. Before Noah and I took off, I did a shot. A bunch of people did one too. The waitresses were passing out the shots, so I didn’t think much of it.” A few tears fall from her eyes. “By the time we got to the car, I knew something was wrong…. I was so dizzy and out of it—I could barely grasp onto reality. And Noah kept laughing and making jokes about how much of a lightweight I was.” Tears flood her my eyes. “Then the next thing I know, I’m waking up on the living room floor with no recollection of how I got there. But my skirt was torn, and my entire body didn’t feel right. I knew something was wrong, and my anxiety kicked in. Before I could even think about what I was doing, I freaked out and jumped into the shower.” Her shoulders heave with her gasping breaths. “I just felt like I needed to scrub whatever the fuck happened to me off .”

  Unable to stand seeing her in pain, I wrap my arms around her and hold onto her with everything I have in me, refusing to let us both break. “Where was Beck? I mean, after you woke up on the floor ?”

  She hugs me back, clutching onto my shirt, just like I did to Everette’s .

  I just broke .

  I wonder how many people can say that? Probably a lot .

  “He wasn’t home from work yet,” she whispers through her tears. “He came home that night and I wanted to tell him—I really did—but I couldn’t get the words to leave my lips. The really shitty part is I’m not even sure what happened—if I was raped or assaulted or if I just tore my damn skirt on the way in. But I know I was drugged right before I left that party. And I know my body felt invaded when I woke up, enough that I went and got a… STD test. Thankfully, I’m clean, but I still can’t shake the feeling that something’s broken inside me .”

  “I feel that way too,” I admit. “All the damn time .”

  “I’m sorry you went through that .”

  “I’m sorry you went through that too .”

  We clutch onto each other and tears sting in my eyes. Suddenly, I’m breaking again, crying hysterically. Willow starts sobbing as well, sobs wrenching from her chest. I hold onto her tighter and she does the same thing to me. It makes all the sobbing and pain a bit easier to endure. To know that I’m not alone. To have someone who understands and doesn’t try to make me feel ashamed for what happened .

  “Have you ever thought about going to the police?” I ask once I get my tears under control .

  “A couple of times, but what would I even say? I have no proof and it’d be his word against mine .”

  His word against mine .

  His word .

  Against mine .

  His .

  Mine .

  I fucking hate those words. Wish that statement didn’t exist. Wish this sort of shit didn’t exist .

  “I have an idea,” I utter, pulling back from her. “A way we might be able to get some form of justice .”

  “Really?” Hope sparkles in her eyes. “What is it ?”

  “That list that I was talking about…” I start to pull my phone out when something dawns on me. “Wait. How did you find out about the list ?”

  Sniffling, she wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. “Beck wanted to go to the club about a week after it happened. Honestly, I didn’t want to go, but I let him talk me into it. When we got there, the bouncer wouldn’t let me in because my name was on this list. I wasn’t sure why it was on there—still don’t—but Noah walked into the club while Beck was arguing with the bouncer about it and winked at me.” She squeezes her eyes shut. “Maybe I’m looking into it too much, but I swear he’s the reason I couldn’t get in .”

  “I think you might be right.” I open the list on my phone. “I went to the club the other night too and something similar happened to me. And I managed to get a photo of the list .”

  Willows brows rise as her eyes pop open. “How the hell did you manage that ?”

  I grin, the movement feeling all sorts of wrong, but I refuse to allow it to falter. “By being a badass .”

  The corners of her lips quirk into the smallest of smiles. “Yeah, you are.” Her smile swiftly fades. “Who else’s names are on the list ?”

  I turn my phone toward her so she can see for herself. “They’re all female names. The only one I know was yours. But I want that to change .”

  “You want to talk to these women ?”

  “I do and I want to find out if they have similar stories to yours and mine. And I want to find out if the incidents all happened at the frat’s parties .”

  “You think the frat’s behind this ?”

  “Noah and Travis are part of the same frat, and you and I were both at a party when we were drugged. Maybe that’s just a coincidence, but maybe not .”

  She wraps her arms around herself. “But what would we even do with that information ?”

  “I’m not sure yet.” Revenge. Revenge. Revenge . “But I think if all of these women on the list were attacked, maybe we could get together and do something. But we need to track them down .”

  Willow takes the phone from me and skims over the list. “Ari could probably help us find them, at least if they’re living in Fairs Hollow. If they’re not, they might be harder to track down .”

  “I know, but I have to try .”

  She chews on her bottom lip. “I want to be part of this too .”

  “Really?” I’m a bit shocked, since usually Willow has to deliberate for days before making a decision .

  She nods, returning my phone to me. “I have to do something because just living day by day, letting this secret eat away at me, isn’t working .”

  I tuck my phone back into my pocket. “Have you thought about telling Beck ?”

  She nods, tears filling her eyes again, but she hastily sucks them back. “A couple of times, but I don’t know if I can do it yet—if I can deal with him looking at me differently .”

  “He’s not going to look at you differently,” I assure her. “Give Beck some credit. He loves you. Is he going to be angry? Yeah, at Noah. But not at you .”

  “Yeah, maybe.” She lets
out the saddest sigh ever. “Maybe I could — ”

  Someone bangs loudly on the door .

  Her brows crinkle. “Who the hell could that be ?”

  Uneasiness stirs in my stomach. “You’re not expecting anyone ?”

  “No.” She rises to her feet and hurries toward the front door .

  I follow her, digging my phone out of my pocket. “Look out the window first and see who it is .”

  She casts a worried glance over her shoulder at me . “Why ?”

  “Just to be safe.” I’m worried, though .

  Worried someone found out I uttered the truth aloud .

  But how would they know ?

  “It’s the police! Open up!” Someone shouts as they knock on the front door again .

  Willow’s eyes widen. “The police? What the hell?” She rushes to the door and pulls it open .

  Standing on her front porch are three uniformed officers .

  The tallest one settles his gaze on Willow. “Wynter Porterrsen ?”

  What the hell ?

  Willow remains quiet, probably in an attempt to protect me. I’m not going to let her do that. Let her deal with… Well, whatever this is .

  I step forward. “Actually, that’s me .”

  His gaze shifts to me. “Wynter Porterrsen, you’re under arrest on drug charges. Please turn around so I can handcuff you .”

  “Wow, you’re awfully polite for someone who’s arresting me,” I spit out as I turn around .

  “As long as your cooperative, I’ll continue being polite,” he says as he slaps a pair of handcuffs on me. “Now, stand still why I pat you down .”

  Air rushes from my lungs as his hands begin to wander along my pockets .

  Get your hands off of me !

  Get your fucking hands off !

  Tears veil my vision as nausea twists in my stomach .

  Breathe, Willow mouths. We’ll get you out of this .

  I wish I could believe her, but I already think I know what’s coming .

  Seconds later, just like I expected, it happens. The damn officer finds a joint tucked in the inside pocket of my jacket. Willow’s eyes widen at the sight. Sure, my friends occasionally toke it up, but I used to never be much of a lover of Mary Jane .

  After the officer hands the joint to his partner, he steers me toward a police vehicle and guides me into the backseat. Then he shuts the door, locks me in, and drives away .

  Drives me toward the police station .

  Drives me toward jail ?

  Shit, how the hell am I going to get out of this? Ask my father? He probably could help me. But do I want his help ?

  No, I don’t. At all .

  In fact, I’d rather rot in a prison cell than ever see his face again .

  Fifteen

  Wynter

  I don’t know much about the logistics of being arrested, but I find it odd when I’m taken back into a questioning room, all because I had a joint on me, especially when it’s legal in the next state over, which is only about a two-hour drive away .

  And why in the world did they come to arrest me on drug charges before they even found the joint ?

  None of this makes sense .

  The longer I sit in that chair, staring at the window where I’m almost positive someone is watching me, the more I start to worry perhaps Travis is the reason I’m here. That maybe he set me up so I’d keep my mouth shut .

  But then the door opens and in walks Everette along with an older dude with salt and pepper hair. When Everette’s gaze lands on me, a soft smile eases across his lips .

  “Wynter,” he says in that stupid gentle tone that drives me nuts, sometimes in a good way .

  “Don’t use that tone on me right now,” I glare at him. Did he have something to do with my arrest ?

  His smile broadens. “Don’t pretend like you don’t like it .”

  The older man crooks a brow at Everette and Everette responds with a heavy sigh .

  “You told me to keep on eye on her,” Everette says, pulling out a chair across from me .

  The man just shakes his head, slaps a folder down onto the table and takes a seat beside Everette. Then he focuses on me. “Hello Wynter. I’m Agent Blakeforn and I think you already know Agent Averysen.” He motions at Everette .

  “No, I know Everette.” I recall how Everette managed to get the club evacuated that night. No wonder he could do that. He’s some sort of agent . “And agents? Agents for what ?”

  Agent Averysen. Is he like an undercover agent or something? Is he the reason I’m here right now ?

  “Everette’s my real name,” Everette assures me, resting his arms on the table. “And we work for the federal bureau .”

  That means they’re not part of the Fairs Hollow police, the same police that lets Travis’s family get away with almost everything. That revelation brings a drop of relief, although I’m still not sure why I’m here, so that ease quickly erases .

  “Okay, Agent Averysen.” My tone oozes with irritation as I scowl at Everette .

  Everette smiles in response, as usual, seeming amused by me. “Relax, you’re not in trouble .”

  “Well, she’s not if she cooperates.” Agent Blakeforn opens his folder. “As of now, she’s facing some serious drug charges .”

  “Serious drug charges?” I arch a brow. “I had a joint on me. That’s it .”

  “On you at the time of the arrest, yes.” Doug lifts his gaze from the file and removes his glasses. “But the officer also searched your car and found a quarter ounce of cocaine and over a half an ounce of marijuana .”

  “That’s not mine,” I lie, tucking my hands underneath the table .

  Shit, why did I buy that goddamn cocaine the other day? I don’t even like cocaine that much .

  I stab my fingernails into my palms. The truth is I bought the cocaine and the weed and even some molly once to numb the pain—to numb my shattered soul inside my chest. But I can’t tell this guy that. All I can do is lie .

  Lie, Wynter, lie. You’re so good at it .

  “Then why was it in your car?” The old dude—Agent Dickhead is what I’m going to call him from now on—asks me condescendingly .

  I shrug. “Maybe someone put it in there .”

  He shuts the folder and overlaps his hands on top of it. “Well, whether that’s true or not, the car is registered to you so technically we could officially charge you for possession .”

  “Technically?” I ask. “Does that mean you’re not going to officially charge me ?”

  Agent Dickhead trades a look with Agent Asshole—the nickname I’m giving Everette—then both men look at me .

  “We might be willing to drop the charges if you agree to be an informant for us for a little while,” Agent Dickhead says, watching me closely .

  An informant. That’s what this is about? “To do what exactly ?”

  Agent Dickhead and Agent Asshole exchange another glance and then Everette looks at me .

  “We want you to get some dirt on your father,” he explains, searching my eyes for God knows what. “And the men he does dealings with .”

  “If you agree to do that for us,” Agent Dickhead adds. “We’ll drop the charges .”

  That rope around my chest pulls tighter. “And if I don’t ?”

  “Then I’ll make sure you get the maximum sentencing—five to ten years,” Agent dickhead replies. “But I’d rather not do that .”

  “Sure you wouldn’t.” I glare at him and then at Agent Asshole, who has the audacity to appear remorseful. “My dad doesn’t even tell me about his work, so I’m not sure how you think I can help you .”

  “Find a way in,” Agent Dick head tells me. “Your Walter Porterrsen’s only child. If you ask to be part of his business, I’m sure he’ll consider it .”

  Maybe he’s right. Maybe he’s wrong. But I don’t really have a choice, since I refuse to face drug charges. Refuse to go to jail. Refuse to let those women on that list continue to suffer without
ever knowing that they’re not alone .

  I need to stay out of jail. I’m going to have to figure out a way to make this work .

  Somehow .

  I ball my hands into fists. Dammit, everything is so screwed up .

  I hate Travis Marilellie .

  I hate everyone in that frat .

  Hate. So much hate. How do I get rid of it ?

  “All right, I’ll do it.” I feel like I’m sealing my fate right then and there .

  Concern fills Everette’s eyes. Apparently he’s thinking the same thing .

  I’m about to go down in flames .

  Burn like a motherfucker .

  But maybe some good can come out of this. Because if I can manage to convince my father to let me work with him, I’ll also be working with Travis’s father and Travis. Sure, the idea of being that close to Travis makes me want to puke all over the floor. But if I can get enough evidence to bring down my father, I just might be able to do the same thing to the Marilellie’s .

  And maybe, just maybe, I’ll finally be able to get the courage to tell my story to the world .

  Author’s Note

  D ear Reader ,

  Thanks for reading The Secrets We Carry . I hope you enjoyed the first part of Wynter’s story. Her story has been in my head for quite a while but I’ve been hesitant to write it because I knew it was going to be difficult. Once I sat down, though, the words came pouring out and that was that .

  A little information about this series. The Secrets We Carry , along with the rest of the books in the The Secrets We Carry series, aren’t necessarily love stories. Each leading heroine has a love interest, but the main focus is the heroine’s story and her journey toward healing. There will be multiple characters in this series who will each get their own book/books. Some of the characters are new, while some of the characters of from my Rebels & Misfits series, the Heartbreaker Society series, the Sunnyvale series, and the Honeyton series. You don’t need to read these series, though, to read The Secrets We Carry series. Although you can get more background information about some of the characters if you do .